ZZZZZZZZ....

There was a hurricane that hit us, so ther isnt school for a week and 3 days. Normally when I have plans with friends, I have no problem with not having school, but when I cant sneak out because my stepdad is watching me every move and checking on me every 10 minutes, it sucks! (my parents dont let me go anywhere so I usually sneak out of im back before they get home.) All I've been doing is eating, sleeping, and watching tv (mostly sleeping), Im suprised Im not 300 pounds. I usually skateboard, but I dont like doing it alone so I call my friends, but I cant with my step dad. I want to go to school so I can talk to someone I like.. and flirt with Kevin some more. lol. I think Im going crazy. It probably wouldnt be so bad in a room with padded walls. I could jump around and go phsyco without hurting myself, not like thats ever stopped me. Oops, sorry, back to the point. I have nothing to do except for sit in my room. Maybe if I slip something into my stepdads drink... he wont be awake to check on me... I wonder when I can get something to knock him out?

Me, Myself, and I

I have this feeling that stalks me, follows me wherever I go. My second shadow loves to hurt me and keep me company. My one friend is my loneliness. Its always there for me, to remind me of who I am. Drowning me in the darkness of my empty room. It fills every part of me. The tears drip, as I sink deeper. I raise my arm, hoping for someone to grab it. Its you who Im trying to find. You just laugh as I slowly die.

Shake it?

A few days ago, I heard this song called Shake It by Metro sexua- I mean Metro Station. I've realised this song has become very popular. I have to admit that the song is fun. It gets in your head, but the bad rocker imitation by the so called band sets me off. This pop song sounds like every other pop song I hear on the radio and because of the lack of musical talent I think it will be a while until those kind of songs stop being made. I play guitar, and I am probably twice as good as the "guitarist" in the "band", I think anyone with fingers and arms can play his part. Its like two chords (guitar talk), and its like the same thing over and over again. Im actually listening to it right now, and im not saying that there is nothing good about the song, its a fun, fast, and playful song. But it doesnt take anyone talented to think of and perform a song like that. I usually dont like pop so that also is part of the reason I dont like that song that much.
Zebrazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............

Music

Some music that I like

Click on popout player if It doesnt automatically work. XD

My drug

There was a kid last year, he was quiet, he was different. He was beautiful, he suffered with me. I like him because he wasnt like everyone else, he was the best friend that I've always wanted. It wasnt anything more than friendship that I felt for him, it wasnt that I didnt find him attractive, but he was a better friend. Everyone wanted him, except for me, I didnt want him like that. I wanted to make him smile, make him laugh. It was like my drug, my sweet escape from the others. This summer, he changed. From hanging out with people who were different from us, but like everyone else. He has a bit of an ego now, he can sometimes be rude. I still see the friend I love sometimes, but thats rare. I miss him. I try to see the old him through the hard shell thats transformed him. I told my friend how I felt about him now, about his change. She told him that I called him an asshole! I got so angry. I never would call him something like that. Thats not the first time shes done something like that. Im starting to get suspicious, maybe she doesnt really like me, she might just want to make people hate me, maybe even make me hate myself. Shes not exactly the best help in bad situations. Im too afraid to aproach her about that, I dont want to upset her, what if im wrong. I dont want to lose a friend over something stupid. She has been my "friend" for so long, Im not sure I can cut the strings shes tied to me. Maybe it would be for the best, im not exactly sure what to do.

Highly Contagious, Poison

Teenagers are so shallow, If they dont like the way someone looks, they call them UGLY. The ones who say that are not beautiful, they are hidious for saying that to someone. Your heart cannot see. What if this thing they call love actually exist? Is love only skin deep? I dont believe so. People may call me beautiful, but they are most likely thinking the way I look. That is why I love the one I love... he may not look like a model, but he is amazing. Bursting with beauty and genourosity. I wish I could be like that. Nice, Loving. Its like a poison, the shallow. If you get close enough to the infected, you will be too. They poisin the good. I try to stay away, but im not sure how much longer I can go for. One day, the venom might reach me... -September 1, 2008

Brand New

Im brand new to all this blogging stuff but it looks easy and a safer way to pour my mind out. My dad and I got in a fight again. Well, not fighting just him hitting, me crying, and wishing he was dead. I dont always wish he was dead, but when he's like that... I wouldnt mind a bull sending him 5 feet in the air. My imaginary world saved me one more time. My mind being somewhere else helped my big mouth from making thing worse. I dont think I wanna visit my dad anymore. At the same time I do though, hes all alone. No wife, kids left him, but didnt he bring this on himself? It was his violence, his need for fighting! Maybe he cant help it though... I dont know. I let another oppurtunity pass me by, again. The one guy who I liked at my stupid school asked me out, I said no. Im not allowed to have a boyfriend. At first it seemed like the right choice. Not disobeying my parents. Now hes with someone else. When ever I see them I get this sick, nautious feeling. I try to pretend to be happy for him, but it hurts. At least the girl hes with is nice... shes not like her bitch friends. Shes pretty, I think so. Im not sure what guys look for but, how I see it shes pretty. Your sins into me oh my beautiful one your sins into me... oh my bad, im listening to AFI's Silver and cold while im typing. I love this song. Till next time. -September 1, 2008